Filthy Unventions

Ever arrived at a pub only to find that there aren’t any seats available?
Hang on a minute, look over there in the corner. There’s a table with enough space to seat 24 orphans, 6 wardrobes and a cow. Hoorah! you cry.
But wait… oh no… there’s someone sitting there. Look at him chuffing away on his [...]

Hey you man.
Who me?
Yes, I’m talking to you.
We’ve all been there before, night out, few Britneys, maybe some pharmaceuticals. The time comes. You need a PISS. You go to the toilet, head for the urinal only to find other men there pissing. Fuck. But now you have to go, because if you don’t it looks [...]

Tired of being treated like a fat leper just because the smell of public transport disgusts you? Fed up with ‘red’ Ken taxing you to cruise downtown in your pimped up Nova?
Well now you can throw a LARGE HANDFUL OF SHIT at the Congestion Charge thanks to ‘Ken-Fucker’ - the revolutionary new Congestion Charge invisibility [...]

Ever wanted to let rip a flurry of poisoned arrows at someone like a man-sized spitting Cobra?
Well now you can, and with ‘ASBO Stop’ you don’t even need an excuse to start firing. ASBOs are legally fair game FACT! Particularly if you hit them directly in the eyes.
Each ‘ASBO Stop’ set comes in a teak [...]

Tired of shitting out small, girlish, excrement? Wish you could squeeze out a long, steaming, turdy behemoth EVERYTIME?
Don’t worry, help is on its way with NEW ‘Give a Shit’ for men. Rub this Haitian tree oil onto your crusty spinchter after every meal and BOOM your poo will shatter even the most stubborn cisterns.
No longer [...]

Let’s face it, most of us wank because we’re bored, ugly - or because we’ve just seen a sexy, naked dwarf.
But is that really enough?
Is it wank! Wanking’s now so much better and it’s all thanks to tight fisted bods at the ‘Big Hand’ University in Tring.
Once you slip your clammy fingers into the ‘Wankomatic’s’ [...]