Struggling to stay awake at work? Tried all the traditional methods: caffeine, crystal meths, bum fingering?

You need Jab-a-wake the only anti-sleep device with a PROVEN 43% success rate among insomniacs, rapists and unborn chimps.Jab-a-wake

Simply glue Jab-a-wake to your left shoulder blade, insert 17 AAA batteries and press ‘ON’.

At random intervals throughout the day Jab-a-awake’s patented ‘Robot Arm’ technology will whirr into action and poke you DIRECTLY in the eye. Over and over again. Until blood cascades from each of your eye sockets.

Accidentally nodding off at work? Not any more you’re not. You’re about to get a sharp and refreshing jab in the eye.

Image conscious? Worried people might call you names like: ‘freak’, ‘eye-fucker’ or ‘weird cunt’? Don’t panic, we’ve got it covered. Each Jab-a-wake is designed to look EXACTLY like a child’s hand, right down to the chubby fingers and bleeding nails.

Jab-a-awake costs just £27.93 and comes with a 31 day guarantee that you’ll never fall asleep again. Ever.